Harringay, Haringey - So Good they Spelt it Twice!
"I'm Going to Make Harringay Great Again"
I was contacted last night by local resident Ronald Gumpf. Ronald's grandparents moved to Harringay from Peckham and he has lived here since birth. Gumpf's father experienced real success since moving here, building a successful property business. Gumpf junior took on the business after leaving Westminter University in 1989. He has since built on his father's success and seen the Gumpf property empire grow,
Despite having to fend off accusations of being behind the late 20th Century boom in overcrowded housing in Harringay, Gumpf told me that he's passionate about the neighbourhood and feels that it's time to give back to the community that he says has meant so much for his family. He's decided it's time to stand for political office.
A man with an eye to the future, Gumpf junior is looking ahead to the next Council elections and has decided that it's time to start setting out his stall. He's asked me to publish the following outline of his policies. Whilst I don't endorse his views, I've decided that he has a right to be heard - but I asked him to keep it brief!
1. Making Harringay Great Again
It's time for Harringay to be great again. Our neighbourhood, our people, and our byelaws have to be our top priority. When I am council leader, I will work to ensure that all of our kids are treated equally and protected equally. Every action I take, I will ask myself, 'Does this make life better for young Harringavians on the Ladder, in the Gardens, in Woodlands Park, in the Warehouses or around Hermitage Road. I tell you I’m going to going to make Harringay great again.
2. Massive Immigration from the South
Harringay has long been suffering from waves of immigrants coming across the border from Stoke Newington.
When they send their people, they're not sending the best. They're sending people that have lots of problems and they're bringing those problems. They're bringing drugs, they're bringing crime.
What can be simpler or more accurately stated? Hackney Council is forcing their most unwanted people into Harringay. Many fabulous people come in legally from Stoke Newington and our neighbourhood is better for it. But these people are here legally, and are severely hurt by those coming in illegally.
We will build a great wall along Harringay's southern border and I will make Stoke Newington pay for that wall. Mark my words. They will pay!
Anyone who is in Harringay illegally will be subject to deportation.
3. The Immigration of Unwanted Groups
I am calling for a complete and total shutdown of Chelsea fans entering Harringay until our councillors can figure out what the hell is going on.
4. Taxes
Council tax in Harringay is tremendously high and the more the Council takes in Council tax, the less incentive people have to work. What graphic designer or investment banker jumps at the offer of a salary increase when he knows Auntie Clare is going to take so much of his pay anyway?
If you reduce council tax and allow people to spend or save more of what they earn, they’ll be more industrious; they’ll have more incentive to work hard, and the money they earn will add fuel to the Green Lanes economy that energises our neighbourhood progress. The result: more prosperity for all—and more revenue for the Council in increased business rates.
I’ll be reducing council tax tremendously. It’s going to be a beautiful thing to watch.
5. Relationship with Europe
Look at Juncker -- what he's doing with Europe -- I mean, you know, what's going on over there. I mean what this man has done -- whether you like him or don't like him -- he's doing a great job in rebuilding the image of Europe and also rebuilding Europe period.
I think I would have a very, very good relationship with Juncker. And I think I would have a very, very good relationship with Europe.
In closing Gumpf asked me to encourage HoL readers to contribute their thoughts on what he could add to his well thought through policy list.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by John McMullan on
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What's he going to make the wall from? I'm looking for an equity play and all the US/Mexican cement producers are now overbought, not to mention Trump's favourite cement builder, up 19%.
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Permalink Reply by maggie on
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The amount of pollution in London and particularly in Harringay is a "Chinese myth", when are we going to allow complete freedom to smog.
So, prospective councillor Gumpf will you tear up the Clean Air Act and stop Mayor Khan purifying our air? We need more nitrogen dioxide and more particulates, big beautiful particulates, and when will you start fracking under Wightman Road?
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I think that the wall should be made of quinoa or ex-Arsenal players who've failed at both management and / or punditry - or preferably both.
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Permalink Reply by Martin brown on
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Should be quite a high wall then!
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Permalink Reply by Sureka Fernando on
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Lol!
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I've enjoyed young Ronald's manifesto bigly. He seems to be groping his way towards a kober-free Haringey and a gina-lite Harringay, and what's not to like about that? Relieved to see he has nothing against the Ladder's ubiquitous stray cats, so Mrs Slocombe's pussy, Tiddles, can relax. All in all, I have no hesitation in nominating the Ronald for Harringay Ward in 2018 and 2022. I'm sure he'll walk away with the popular vote.
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Permalink Reply by Hugh on
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I was wondering if we might see an OAE candidacy to give Gumpf some opposition?
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Permalink Reply by Michael Anderson on
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You jest surely? Who can forget her fabulous single "Ooh Ahh .... Just a little bit" which came so close to undoing the years of hurt that is the Eurovision Song Contest.
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But without Stokie immigrants where will I get my organic bread, dream catchers and healing crystals? Mark my words, vote for this man and we're all doomed to a future of Mother's Pride.
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Permalink Reply by matt on
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I've just heard that Gumpf was run over by a Veolia (rattle ya cage) purple sack, pick-up truck. The driver, 'no front teeth George', said between whistles, that he isn't politically driven and apologised to the good people of Harringay for taking away their only hope of salvation from the current farce we all endure.
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Does anyone remember the radio programme "Little Blighty on the Down?" Gumpf could run and run!
OK now - which borough leaders is Mr Gumpf going to call and in which order...will Westminster's press be upset if Hackney is called first?
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