Harringay, Haringey - So Good they Spelt it Twice!
advice sought
Just over two weeks ago I was at Newington Green bus stop heading back to Haringay. At the stop a middle aged mother was berating a man who she said had tried to talk to her daughter who was around 6 years old. She furious with him, saying that he had tried to touch the girl and that if he had gotten any closer he would be on the floor because she would have battered him. It was a really horrible thing to witness. The man said he was just complimenting the girl for being pretty but he then got really abusive- called the mother a 'bitch' right in front of the little girl. I didn't really know what to do but I made sure he could see I was around in case he did anything worse. We both boarded the bus he tried to make conversation with me- he seemed to know who I was- but I was quite freaked out by seeing the incident and didn't fancy talking to him.
The following week around noon I am at Manor House about to get down the steps to the tube and I see the same man. He is locked in an argument with two women who are trying to get away from him. He is saying something about how they should behave when someone approaches them or something like that. I didn't hang around because I needed to get to the airport but seeing him again really freaked me out. I was out of the country for a week but it took me about 3 days to not think about him. He just radiated creepiness. I consoled myself that it was quite possible that I would never see him again.
This morning I boarded the 141 bus at Manor House and he got on. I tried to stay calm, not least for my daughter who I was taking to school. But then he started to try to talk to her saying 'your dad is a famous journalist' but not in a very friendly way. As a parent you can have a sense as to who is genuinely friendly and who is not. He then started talking, sort of to himself, about how 'he hadn't done it' and something about prison. He is also using really bad language. My daughter is clutching my hand and really uncomfortable. I manage to turn my phone on an take some photos of him.
He gets off at Newington Green. Since this morning I cannot take the sick taste of my mouth. I just have a bad feeling about him.
So the reason I am posting this is for advice- ideally from parents-about how to process and think about all this. I could post his photo but I don't know what the protocol is around that. Right now the idea that I might see him every morning, that he might try to talk to my daughter or do anything else just makes me never want to get on a bus again but that is not the answer.
Does anyone have any helpful advice on how to not let this totally take over my mind because it has at the moment, hence this lengthy post.
Thank you.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Emma on
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Hi firstly this all sounds very creepy so totally understand.
i would contact the police or the local community support team about your concerns as a point of making sure it is recorded.
this man may be known to the police or community police already.
i would say it was inappropriate to put his picture up here but the Police may want it which could be used to keep an eye on him if he is already known.
He may be unwell so again it may be that your information may get him some intervention from services.
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Permalink Reply by kotkas on
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Ditto. Thank you for the detailed profile - and sorry you are having to go through this. This clearly something that needs to be taken to the police. Hope you can manage - looks like you’d be doing the community a massive service.
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Permalink Reply by Sarfraz on
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I have to be honest and say I STILL have a sick taste in my mouth from all this. I have contacted the police and they are coming to talk to me on Wednesday and I also contacted British Transport Police and they asked me to send the photo I took of the man. My guess is that he has recently been released from prison but that is just my educated guess. I also think that it will be hard to actually do anything about this unless something bad happens but all we can do is be vigilant, maybe speak up when we see something dodgy happening and I say that as someone who is still feeling bad that I didn't do more on the second occasion outside the tube. I will update if I have any more substantive news. Thanks
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Permalink Reply by John McMullan on
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Educated.
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Permalink Reply by Jess on
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Contact the police & report. Definitely.
Trust your instinct that something doesn't feel right about these scenarios.
Sounds disturbing & thanks for highlighting here.
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Most women I know have had a horrible experience like this. It's happened to me recently on a packed bus, from a random stranger who just sat down next to me. The guy then started shouting in my face, threatening me. Nobody did anything. I just wish someone had called the police, asked the driver to stop or invited me to sit with them. I know it's difficult to work out what to do when you're in that situation but its worse when on the aggressions directed at you.
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I absolutely agree with you. I am aware that things are much, much worse for women and even with my post my reason for sharing it was not out of any concern for myself but for how it made me feel for my daughter and for women and girls generally. It does really baffle and shock me, by the way, that we have not yet manged to make public transport and public space less hazardous for women. How is this sort of stuff able to happen in 2019? It is about others stepping in, if possible, but there must be other things that can be done with CCTV, public messaging campaigns, maybe other things that I don't know about.
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good. for what its worth I did step in as in literally stand between the mother and man so he knew I was there. Everyone else at the bus stop literally stood by. I could have done more.
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It's about context isn't it LJD. Some days/places, I would have done just that. For me with the occasion on the bus, I was just sitting there. He came & sat down next to me & then after about two minutes, with no warning, he starts shouting & screaming at me. Leaning into me & shouting that he was going to stab me in the face. He was obviously unpredictable & violent. There's no way that shouting back at him would have been in my best interest.
I've also had occasions when my daughter was a toddler one man played with her hair on the bus & another stranger just picked her up & kissed her on the lips. There's no way those men would have done that if she's been with my husband. Thank you Satfraz for raising this. There's a scheme in pubs & clubs where people can ask 'for Lynda' if they feel threatened. Maybe there's the opportunity to have something similar on public transport.
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oh my God that is all so utterly horrifying. Can I ask a question- how did you process all this in terms of yourself and your daughter? As parents we have an instinct to protect. The first incident is just terrifying, no idea what I would have done if that happened to me. But the other two make me wonder how did you cope in terms of getting back on the bus, what did you tell your daughter and so on. My daughter was super stressed on the bus this morning as we got near the stop that guy had got on. She was saying that if he ever got on with had to leave the bus immediately and I could practically see the stress hormones pumping inside her poor thing. She was okay once we passed the stop he had gotten off at but how to help me and her the next time he does get on that bus? I had that small voice in my head saying this was a sign that London is too much for young people like my daughter, too many crazies, too much noise- but I have to remind myself that there are lots, perhaps more, kind and friendly people and not let isolated incidents, however stressful, ruin one's perspective of London.
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thank you for this. when he started talking to my daughter on the bus I did say 'don't talk to her' and he got defensive but eventually shut up. and then because I was wary of him I got my phone out and pretended to film the kids but was actually getting an image of him. You are right that one should not be stressed about taking ones child to school but the truth is that I have been stressed each morning especially around Manor House station. That said I have filed a police statement and I am feeling more emboldened that one dodgy bloke is not going to ruin how I feel about my neighbourhood or my mornings. Hopefully I will never see him again.
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