Harringay, Haringey - So Good they Spelt it Twice!
Followed by man in Finsbury Park
I was walking across Finsbury Park this afternoon and was followed for 20 minutes or so by a man. He kept walking really close behind me and whenever I stopped he stopped too and was watching me very obviously. I've never felt threatened in the park before (especially not in the day) but wanted to make other women aware as I felt very unsafe. In the end I spoke to another woman who was walking and she thankfully pretended she knew me so we could walk off together- he did continue to follow us for some time after though.
Description: white, overweight, age around mid 20's, wearing glasses, trackies and a white t shirt.
Tags for Forum Posts: finsburypark
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Liz on
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Sorry to hear about this upsetting incident. It might be worth doing an online report to the police here which will get passed to the local police.
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Permalink Reply by Lauren on
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Sorry that you felt unsafe in the park and I hope you’re ok. Did you speak to him? I’d have been a bit ballsy and asked him what he was up to. Perhaps he has a learning difficulty or something and may not realise it’s inappropriate. Even so it’s not pleasant for you but maybe a quick conversation could have established if he was a threat or not, or interrupted his train of thought... as it was during the day and I assume plenty of people in the park. I know as women it’s ingrained in us to always think the worst and obviously I don’t know the full circumstances. Was he doing anything else that was particularly threatening other than following and watching you?
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Permalink Reply by Nicky on
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What!! Speak to someone who you are finding intimidating and who is following you? Really?
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It’s not a stupid suggestion John. I’d have just asked him why he was following me, or said something like can I help you? As far as I could tell she was in the park in daylight with plenty people around. Why stay silent? As I said he might have had a learning difficulty and a quick chat could’ve possibly ascertained this, or if he was a pervert then engaging can actually throw them off as it humanises their potential target and makes them think twice... rather than them being a faceless victim. I’ve actually tested this theory myself a few times... a former brother in law told me they use this tactic in the army. I have been followed in Harringay a few times and turned round and asked was someone ok or are they lost for them to say I’m ok thanks then wander off. One time a man grabbed my shoulder in the passage and rather than freeze in terror and hand him my handbag I asked could I help him and looked him in the face and he looked confused and said sorry and walked away. We don’t know that the man following her had any bad intentions at all, but an assessment of the situation presented would’ve prompted me to empower myself rather than feel scared. What she did was also good, engage in conversation with someone else for safety but that option isn’t always available. Some men are also just lurkers and they get sexual thrills from following and intimidating women. To turn round and ask what are they doing are they lost do they need help etc removes their power. There’s really no reason for anyone to feel unsafe confronting someone in this way if there are people around. As a man you probably don’t know how it feels to be constantly told you have to fear for your safety or that you should always just assume the worst in men. Turning round asking this chap what he’s doing would maybe make him think twice about doing it again if enough women do this... rather than just walking around scared of him as he would expect... if he was intending to be intimidating.
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Absolutely Nick! A quick “can I help you” shows assertiveness and that you aren’t a good potential victim. If it’s broad daylight and there are people around then this is the best thing you can do. This usually is enough to throw them off so it doesn’t escalate further.
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Permalink Reply by Cleo on
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What a truly horrible experience, Jess. I'm with Lauren. Being fearful paralyzes the faculties. Taking control of the situation is not just powerful but removes power from the threat. It's a puzzling fact women have been coerced into believing that in virtue of physical disparity, we are helpless. Flashers, muggers, molesters are failed, weak, little men. By walking with a firm, sturdy stride, the immediate impression given is one of strength. If they see this, they won't attempt to trouble you because .... they are failed, weak, little men. And the more you walk with purposeful stride, the stronger you'll feel. Try it, Jess. I hope you soon feel the benefit of this sensational tactic that keeps you safe and boosts your self-esteen&self-reliance.
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I wouldn't follow that advice unless you've had some advanced martial arts training. Many of the men do do this are young, strong and confident in their ability to get away with it. Walk down Green Lanes, Wood Green or Tottenham high roads. The men in cars, kebab and chicken shops and betting shops who do the leering and cat calling are not "failed, weak, little men", they are usually quite muscular with an air of aggression. No matter how "ballsy" you are, you'll not come out of a verbal or physical confrontation well. Jess did the right, smart thing.
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Muscular aggressive men can still be fragile and weak. In fact they cat call and wander around showing aggression and disrespect to women because they are fragile and weak. Calling them out or telling them to eff off usually gets rid of them I find. The more we just put up with it the more they do it.
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