Fly-tipping my Postman and the Bribery Act

Dear Auntie HOL,

Can someone recommend a good Bribery Lawyer (tipping). Over recent years I have been tipping our Singing (sic) Postman to refrain from attempted singing inside my front gate and from delivering my mail randomly to Rung Road addresses. While this has been a token stipend of £5 per month in the past, I have recently doubled his emolument to a total of £120 per annum. I understand that his masters at Royal Mail will now interpret my acts of mounting desperation as flagrant lawbreaking under the new Bribery Act which allows no more than £2.50 per month to persuade my witty warbler to give his full attention to the performance of his day duties.

You will appreciate the gravity of this unforeseen predicament in which I find myself.

Yours etc.

pp OAE.