Harringay, Haringey - So Good they Spelt it Twice!

Lady cyclist/scooter incident Wightman Rd, AN APOLOGY

Just in case the lady cyclist with whom I had an altercation this morning crossing Wightman rd with my children is on Harringay online, I would like to apologise; I've been thinking about it all day and I was out of line. I wanted to chase after you and say sorry but I couldn't catch you.

My child's scooter rolled into the rd by accident and into your path. I see now that this would have been frightening for you on the road and that's probably why you made a face and were annoyed. I was unreasonable to get cross with you. I had had a very stressful morning with my baby and at that moment was concerned with getting my 3 year old across the road safely.

Anyway, I'm sorry and I truly hope you get to read this. Please pass this message on if you know the cyclist concerned.

All the best,

Alice

7 members like this

▶ Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Kris G on April 28, 2015 at 11:47

Probably one of the nicest messages on HoL and what a humble thing to do. Apologies, I can't help you but I hope the lady manages to read this.

▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Alice Mezzo on April 28, 2015 at 14:23

Thank you, I hope I can find her too.

▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Justin Guest on April 28, 2015 at 12:46

That is incredibly big of you Alice.

I have also found myself in altercations, some more fleeting than others, and on occasions have thought afterwards that I might not have had the moral high ground I thought I had, but it was too late to do anything about.

The difficulty I think is two fold (in your defence). First there is a natural fight or flight reaction that immediately puts you on a war footing. Also, folks (me included) are too quick to rush in an assign blame elsewhere. Partly this is living in London where you assume folks are not going to treat you with as much respect you might treat them with, so we are all on the defensive (the number of times I hold doors open for people and they do not even see me... for example). Neither leads to a happy ending.

▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Alice Mezzo on April 28, 2015 at 14:26

I completely agree. London puts you on the defensive and you can end up treating people badly. On this occasion I really want to make amends for my mistake. I may have ruined someone's day and that's just no good.

▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Alan Stanton on April 28, 2015 at 14:44

We all make mistaeks. Apologising shouldn't be that hard, especially when there are no serious consequences from someone's action or omission.

I see it as being graceful, rather than humility. It's good manners, but can be a lot more. To say: "Look, I've thought about what I did [or said]. And I was in the wrong ..." Can invite other people to be equally graceful. And perhaps join you in constructively finding a compromise. A better way to resolve a problem.

▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Justin Guest on April 28, 2015 at 15:12

I do not disagree Alan, but my point was that a lot of the time it is too late to apologise (you have already parted and are probably well on you way before you have calmed enough to think about it rationally, as in Alice's situation.

In addition, you are likely to find that in most situations there is responsibility to be taken by both parties, and if you are in a situation where the other party is not likely to be sufficiently yielding to also accept that perhaps they were also responsible in some way for the situation then you are less likely to admit your own fault if there is a feeling there is no likelihood of reciprocation...

▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Finsbury Park Ranger on April 28, 2015 at 21:13

We don't celebrate saying sorry much do we ? We celebrate and indulge lots of activities including victory but rarely the act of showing humility and saying sorry. You don't get a medal for it. News papers do there damnedest to hide their apologies, The government usually always refuses doing it even when it's obviously the only moral course of action in some situations. We rarely go on marches to remember the day we made up and when we do we tend to celebrate the battle more than the peace. I can't even think of a celebrated story that involves a big apology. The bible probably contains it somewhere but we don't celebrate that bit of it, or at least my family don't.

Wierd isn't it ? Especially when it's usually a behaviour that lots of good comes out of it and especially when sorry is the one word we actually overuse.