The Thread with no Name......

...Unless you can suggest a name.

The following thread built up beneath a post advertising a room for rent.

To allow the poster to continue his mission, and in accordance with our user terms, I'm moving the unrelated discussion to this new thread.

I know from some messages I've had that it made some people's blood boil, but it seemed too interesting to lose altogether.

Reply by Phil K yesterday

No Irish, no straights, no dogs. ;-)

Reply by Michael Anderson yesterday

oh grow up

Reply by John McMullan yesterday

It's a bit sad that you want him single and after the amazing description I think you only specified "gay man" to prevent women being interested.

Reply by Phil K yesterday

Actually John, news that you are looking to relocate has put the fear of God into a lot of people looking for tenants.

Sorry, Jonathan. I should have replaced 'No Irish' with 'No timewasters'

Reply by Jonathan Walsh yesterday

Please - this is not a discussion thread.  If you're interested in the room, please reply.  If not please do not.

Thank you.

Reply by james walsh yesterday

I hope you get the perfect housemate and you are all happy together. Perhaps though you could be more inclusive in your specifications ? 

Reply by vaneska yesterday

If you didn't want a discussion of the wording of your ad then placing it in the gay press would have been the obvious solution.  As it stands - tough titties! 

v

Reply by Michael Anderson 22 hours ago

What!!!!

Reply by Lauren yesterday

Surely he can specify whatever he likes, it's his house!

Reply by John D 5 hours ago

As long as he doesn't try to run it as a B&B.

Reply by Jonathan Walsh yesterday

Dear Phil K, Johhn McMullan, James Walsh and Vaneska,

Why haven't you expressed your views to the ad posted yesterday (I have pasted in below at the bottom).  In this ad the person is seeking a "FEMALE LODGER".  Where are your comments about non-inclusivity on this ad?  I see there have been no replies to this person's ad.  Why have you not complained? I don't understand your logic.  I do hope it's because you're not all being selective against me? I expect to see you all personally reply to this lady's ad in the same tone that you've replied to me.  If you don't, then everyone online will see that you are hypocritcal at best, and at worst homophobic.  As I've said, if you're not interested in renting the room, please don't reply.  If you want to start your own threads on whether the person has a right to advertise for what sort of person they prefer to have living in their home then go ahead.  The lady advertising for a female lodger has a right to seek the sort of person she would like, and so do I.

The main reason for me advertising for a gay male, is actually to offer a gay male  he opportunity to take up an offer of good accommodation, without fear of rejection or bias - not that I have to justify anything to you.  Oh and Vaneska - I have advertised it in the gay press.  I've advertised it there, and also here because I have a right to do so, so don't tell me where I can and where I cannot advertise - OK?

Here's the ad below:

Seeking lodger for Lovely Large double size Room (live-in landlord)

Female Live-in Landlord seeking a FEMALE LODGER for an exceptional and beautiful large double room in a house. House is on a quiet road with a garden and has excellent amenities and transport links. 1 months rent in advance and Finders Fee of £49 (this includes for background checks and a lodgers agreement to ensure harmonious living for both parties)

Landlady is keen for lodger to move-in ASAP with viewings this week/weekend

I'm looking forward to all your bad mouthed comments on this lady's ad.  We wouldn't want you to be hypocritical or homophobic now would we?

Reply by Kirsty Marks yesterday

Bravo!

Reply by Jonny 23 hours ago

People like winding each other up on this forum. Storm in a teacup. 

P.s. many a restaurant in green lanes advertises for "waitresses" or "female staff".  That's a problem.

Reply by Sharon 23 hours ago

It's fair enough to advertise in this way, plenty of people live in gay male households, lesbian households,women only households, veggie households,non smoking households, no sense of humour households...;-)

Reply by John McMullan 7 hours ago

I haven't expressed my views to the lady who posted looking for a female lodger because I think it's perfectly justified given the record of violence that men have against women. I also don't think her post was as articulate and up for lampooning as yours.

Reply by Hugh 6 hours ago

I don't get it, John. What is there to lampoon?

And, can I just check: your last comment implies to me that you think Jonathan is unjustified in making his specific request about a room mate. Have I misunderstood?

Reply by Sharon 6 hours ago

I just think it's gentle ribbing, nothing more. The ad was amusingly elaborate.

Reply by John McMullan 5 hours ago

Absolutely Sharon and yes it was. It made me think of sitting on the bed playing with the cats. 

Jonathan is not unjustified at all although as I pointed out, a little sad to ask for someone single for such a big room and perhaps only necessary to be so specific to avoid crazy cat ladies after that description.

Reply by Sharon 5 hours ago

I can only hope that one day, one day, those silk lined curtains turn up on here in the give away section.

Reply by Jonathan Walsh 4 hours ago

Of course gay men are not subject to daily violence are they?  Have you been to Russia recently? Or perhaps a trip to lovely places like Uganda, where they've just stopped short of the death penalty whilst threatening straight people for not reporting a gay person within one day or risk 3 years' imprisonment, or Iran where they hang gay people and chop off their hands.  I have been physically attacked in the street and verbally abused here in London, so don't lecture me or anyone else about your perceived knowledge of the exact figures of violence against women and then chose to ignore voilence against gay men.  Perhaps you'd like to see a picture of the scar I have on my forehead because someone threw a brick in my face several years ago? Is that violent enough for you?

You might be interested in the statistics of domestic violence against men from the NHS Choices Website:

"Men were victims of just over a quarter of incidents of domestic violence in 2010, according to the British Crime Survey. Find out about the signs of domestic violence, and where to get support if it’s happening to you."

And specifically homophobic attacks from statistics compiled by Stonewall:

"This report reveals that one in six lesbian, gay and bisexual people – 630,000 - have been the victim of a homophobic hate crime or incident over the last three years."

Now you've brought up the subject of violence as your reason for not commenting on the lady's ad and as a reason for having a good laugh 'lampooning' mine, I cannot see that you still do not have a valid reason for attacking her ad as well - so please go ahead, as all our online readers would not want to think that you harbour any homophobic feelings by singling my ad out, especially now that I've shown supported evidence that gay people suffer from voilence in equal and unjust amounts just as much as you imagine the lady in the other ad does.

So go on, comment on her ad in the same tone that you've commented on mine - we're all watching....

Reply by Sharon 4 hours ago

Very fair comment Jonathon.

Reply by John McMullan 4 hours ago

I used to get beaten up and called gay in New Zealand so I do know that goes on. Thanks but I think I'll leave my lampooning to your post, it deserved it.

Reply by John McMullan 5 hours ago

Here is why "this lady" is VERY justified in asking for a female lodger. Although I never said that you were unjustified in asking for a single gay man either.

Reply by Hugh 4 hours ago

No, John, you haven't said it explicitly, but what you wrote certainly implies to me that you made a value-based judgement. When I read it, I thought that you believe that the female poster's request for a specific house-mate type was justified because of what you see as a valid reason. At the same time, my understanding was that you've made a judgement that Jonathan doesn't have a justifiable reason for specifying a type of house-mate.

You clearly seem to think the female poster was more justified, and given the nature of your comments that Jonathan wasn't justified enough.

Now, all that strikes me as odd since I don't believe that you don't understand what might underpin Jonathan's needs. Was it just a moment of thoughtlessness?

Reply by John McMullan 4 hours ago

I explicitly said it was sad he was looking for someone single for such a big room. Especially given the abundance of hot water and number of cats.

Reply by Hugh 3 hours ago

That doesn't explain why you feel one poster is justified to specify and another is not.

Reply by John McMullan 3 hours ago

He didn't need to give that description AND specify that he wanted a single gay man. I think he added that bit in to avoid a single woman applying. His arguments about being subject to violence, whilst pertinent, don't explain why he would exclude a single woman. Gay friends of mine have been beaten up by their boyfriends too. He's said he's wanting to give a single gay guy a chance to have the room as single men can have issues getting accommodation which is fair enough.

Reply by Hugh 3 hours ago

I'm staggered that you feel the need to foist your convoluted judgements on a guy who's just looking for a house-mate.

Reply by John McMullan 3 hours ago

Let me rewrite the ad and perhaps you'll see why I thought it was funny.

Wanted: single gay man to share house with X others and 4 cats in a large spacious room in Harringay. A short walk to local shops and transport.

Reply by Hugh 3 hours ago

It's not your ad and not your life, John.

Reply by Lauren 2 hours ago

John, with respect, you need to back off from this one. He can advertise for whoever he wants to live in his house. He is not accountable to you nor anyone else over this matter. He advertised for a gay man because he wants to live with a gay man. He does not have to explain why. Stop hounding him.

Reply by Jonathan Walsh 2 hours ago

I will give exactly the description I want - it's absolutely none of your business what description I give or don't.  I am not an employer bound by EU rules, this is my home and I will state my preference for the most suitable person. I'm not avoiding a single woman applying - did I say that? You just assume, assume, assume, assume even to the arrogant point of rewriting my ad?  Who do you think you are?

I had a female lodger in the past, so that isn't the issue.  A single gay male, single because there isn't room for a fourth person in the house with the ameneties, not that I have to justify that to you John as it still is none of your business whatsoever.  You're 'sad' that it's for a single person, you mean you actually sat there, looked at my ad, was 'sad' that I only want a single person? You actually spend your day going through ads offering accommodation and actually feel 'sad' every time someone requests a single person in a double sized room? Are you actually mad?

There is no actual material difference to what the lady in the other ad has requested, and what I've requested.  I have proven that with actual statistics to blow your weak argument about voilence into the water as both women and gay men suffer from this. Fact, not supposition, that only women suffer as in your email when you first mention this.  Yet you single me out and have a go, but not her, because you patronisingly suppose on her behalf she is about to be beaten up by any random male lodger who comes along (another strange assumption).

So, getting back to you wanting everything to be exactly equal and all that, WHEN are you going to subject the lady's ad to the same treatment as mine eh?  If you want to foist your opnion online without it being asked for, you can't get away without following through on your argument, and nail your colours to the mast in what you have been arguing about from the beginning and treat the other lady's ad to the same treatment as you have done mine.

We're all waiting....be a man and follow your conviction and comment on her ad 'excluding men'...go on....you've dug yourself into a corner, now dig yourself out.

Reply by John McMullan 2 hours ago

I've learned in life that when I give "too much information" people laugh at me. You obviously haven't.

Stop goading me to be mean to a woman. She didn't give TMI and I won't. Sexist aren't I?

Reply by Lauren 2 hours ago

Stop this PLEASE. It's upsetting to read.

Reply by Jonathan Walsh 2 hours ago

The issue is not about too much information, the issue is that you have singled me out compared to the ad created right beside mine asking for a female only lodger.  Stick to the issue, stop sidestepping and deal with your selective whingeing.

Treat her exactly the same as me, otherwise people will see you as homophobic as well as being sexist as you admit.

Reply by Sharon 2 hours ago

oh dear! this thread is like a horrible car crash but you cant help but look! too funny!

Reply by Brando 2 hours ago

I think vaneska's post justify's why, when renting to a stranger, he would choose not to advertise to a woman- not that his choice in his home needs to be justified

Reply by StephenBln 12 minutes ago

Well said Jonathon..

Reply by Philip Foxe 22 hours ago

Hope you get a good person. Sounds like a nice place.cant believe the lack of understanding on this page! Imagine if it was an ad for an elderly widow to share with similar? Would we have seen pitchforks and torches outside her house?

Reply by snoot 21 hours ago

You must not come out of your room unless it's to stroke the cats :)

Reply by Hugh 14 hours ago

Jonathan, I'm sorry you couldn't just peacefully advertise for a house mate. I have no idea what to make of the catty comments you've gathered in response.

Reply by Hugh D 10 hours ago

I'd suggest making a wall of ignorance and barely repressed homophobia myself.

Reply by John D 9 hours ago

It's quite funny seeing ( presumably ) heterosexuals complaining of discrimination on the basis of sexuality.

Reply by Sharon 8 hours ago

Reverse homophobia?

Reply by John D 6 hours ago

Nobody's asked what the rental is. I think that would be much more interesting.

Reply by Sharon 5 hours ago

With velvet carpet, lined silk curtains, king sized bed (for single occupancy...aye aye!) and wifi in a 'superior' double room I'm guessing at 1000 pcm.

Reply by Jonathan Walsh 3 hours ago

Rent is £650 per month.  - also what do you mean when you write single occupancy....aye aye? What are you implying?

Reply by Sharon 3 hours ago

I'm just teasing, no harm meant ;-) P.S can I have those curtains when you've done with them?

Reply by Jonathan Walsh 2 hours ago

Of course you can Sharon, they would also make a fabulous dress if you're handy with a sewing machine lol!

Reply by Sharon 2 hours ago

(Hands outstretched smiley)

Reply by Jonny 1 hour ago

Is there a kiwi in this household?

Reply by Michael Anderson 3 hours ago

I'm staggered by the arrogance of some of the posts here.  How dare you presume to tell someone else how to live their lives.

Jonathan can decide who he wants to let this room to, how many people he wants living in his house, if they are ok with cats being in the house.  If any of you were letting a room I am sure you would have an idea the sort of person who would best fit in your household.

Reply by Bethany Burrow Atherton 1 hour ago

This "debate" brought to mind this article from the BBC that came out a while back about the legal grey area that flat/houseshare ads can fall into where they specify certain characteristics: http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-18588612

Reply by John McMullan 1 hour ago

And Jonathan said he was actually specifying a person who is often discriminated against in terms of accommodation so we have to admire him for that.

Reply by Cecilia 1 hour ago

Jonathan, I am shocked and upset by some of the replies you got. Some people should have just backed off and said "sorry" on this one , clearly they missed out on a good opportunity to keep their mouth shut for once.

Anyway, going back to the main subject, does the rent include bills? I have a single, gay man friend who might be interested. You can contact me privately if you prefer.

Reply by Paul Harding 30 minutes ago

Shouldn't there be a forum rule in regards to trash talking peoples threads? Especially the For Sale/Property section. The trading sections of all the forums I go to are moderated in this manner.

It's lovely you have an opinion, but really unless you want to buy the thing advertised or are interested in the property being offered it doesn't benefit anyone by airing it.

Reply by John D 22 minutes ago
I think this covers it -

g We will close or edit any discussions which, in our opinion, cross the line between healthy debate and bickering.

h. Whilst we recognise that the nature of forum conversations is for discussions on a single thread to move freely between topics, we will move or delete comments where we feel a conversation warrants being brought back on topic or the comments are repetitive ones made in the way of promoting and individual's or group's case or standpoint.

i.

Reply by Hugh 3 seconds ago

Funny you should bring that up - just working on it!